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Showing posts from 2016

Just another Christmas

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Dear Bloggers,
A bit late for the time of the month in this last month of the year there is so much to do and work is more irregular than other months. Although I have some free time but many people want something from me. They are all needy and I am working a lot of late shifts to earn my money as a bus driver.

Slowly but definitely is the nocturnal horizon sliding by. On the radio their playing Christmas songs and easy listening songs it's that time of the year again and I hum them along softly. A typical ride home after a late evening shift. Suddenly, there are shooting all kinds of thoughts about the past through my head. I plink away a little teardrop that is rolling down my cheek. I think about all the beautiful moments of my past and see myself in the smoking ruins that remain of it. I dance in my mind together through the night with my dearest girlfriend who just all too soon slipped away from us. Gently giggling we shuffle along, tightly pressed against each other by throug…

They call it a conversion disorder

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Dear Bloggers,

The recent discussion between me and the caretakers of my spouse are a difficult case and is leading to speculation and misinformation about the nature of psychogenic illness. I therefore thought it would be useful to discuss the concept of a conversion disorder in general.

According to one of the doctors who tried to explain me about dealing with the disbelief of most of the patients they react many times like this: “So you’re telling me it’s all in my head?”



The concept of what are now called conversion symptoms is a tricky one for various reasons. There is an unfortunate stigma attached to the notion that our brains can cause physical symptoms. Making the diagnosis is complex. Outcomes are variable and are hampered by the difficulty in communicating the diagnosis to patients. Conversion disorder symptoms often mask underlying physiological disease. And the risks of both false positives and false negatives are high.

This complexity leads some to argue, in essence, that a…

Trying hard to win the war within yourself

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Dear Bloggers,

My wife is going through some traumatic times as she is emotional abused for almost three years in a row by two psychopathic and narcissistic persons (managers) that did everything to bring employees down that didn't fit into their profile. The company gives them a lot of freedom and it is a very sick atmosphere. A lot of former employees signed for their resignation and got a few months pay so they agreed to keep their mouth shut. My wife wasn't in the flow for leaving the company as she enjoyed what she was doing and this was against all the expectations of her manager. He was not amused with the fact that she was putting up so much resistance to keep her job. 


She kept up the fight for three years and dragged herself to work everyday. I pulled the plug in February of 2014 and she was tired and mentally so beaten up. In the last two years we have been trying to get her back on her feet with psychological help and psychiatric assistance. She has been checked on …

Getting sick of being busy

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Dear Bloggers, 

My thoughts are spinning through my head as I write this down tears are running down my cheeks. It is very sad how beloved persons are slipping through our fingers. The brain is a strange peace of equipment and it can do strange things. I just drove home from a night shift as my mind was running around in circles.



Thinking about the roller coaster life that I am leading. Outside there is nothing left of the summer weather as rain bashes on my screen and the smell of a died out fireplace enters the car. My wife is having trouble again with her anxiety, our kids went to new schools this week and my mother in law has been taken into care as she is suffering from Parkinson's an Dementia my father in law is not able anymore to take the full day and night care of her. It is pretty tough for both of them. But the home were she stays is giving her good care.


Dementia is often viewed as a disease of the mind, an illness that erases treasured memories but leaves the body intact…

Summertime is not always fun

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Dear Bloggers,
This is the time of year to make the whole Internet smell like coconut flavoured sunscreen. And campfire logs things that I associate with Summer. And of course the smell of fresh-mown grass.


It's like when you imagine the Internet will sparkle like fireflies and humming bees and butterflies in the garden. Stretch yourself out on your lawn, with that scratchy grass tickling the backs of your legs. Reading a book and fall asleep in the morning Sun.


The smell of grilled burgers on the back deck in the garden. The sound of kids playing in the pool. The sweet taste of a fresh mixed Mocktail, with cubes clinking against the glass on a sizzling summer afternoon.

These are vacation stories. We want to do some crazy roller coaster rides and our summer BBQs and our trips to museums and our lazy days in the garden. Maybe this are our best vacations as we are poor and having trouble to plan a day out. Hopefully one day life will surprise us, we just should not lose hope.


Tell me: W…