Showing posts with label crazy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crazy. Show all posts

September 4, 2016

Getting sick of being busy

Dear Bloggers, 
 
My thoughts are spinning through my head as I write this down tears are running down my cheeks. It is very sad how beloved persons are slipping through our fingers. The brain is a strange peace of equipment and it can do strange things. I just drove home from a night shift as my mind was running around in circles.



Thinking about the roller coaster life that I am leading. Outside there is nothing left of the summer weather as rain bashes on my screen and the smell of a died out fireplace enters the car. My wife is having trouble again with her anxiety, our kids went to new schools this week and my mother in law has been taken into care as she is suffering from Parkinson's an Dementia my father in law is not able anymore to take the full day and night care of her. It is pretty tough for both of them. But the home were she stays is giving her good care.


Dementia is often viewed as a disease of the mind, an illness that erases treasured memories but leaves the body intact.

But dementia is a physical illness, too and a progressive, terminal disease that shuts down the body as it attacks the brain. Although the early stages can last for years, the life expectancy of a patient with advanced dementia is similar to that of a patient with advanced cancer.
 

The continued focus on treatment to prolong life often means that pain relief is inadequate, and symptoms like confusion and anxiety are worsened. I think it suggests that family members would be far less likely to subject their loved ones to such treatment if they had a better understanding of dementia as progressive, debilitating illness that ultimately shuts down the body after years of mental deterioration.

When family members understand the clinical course of dementia and the poor prognosis, the patients were far less likely to undergo these distressing interventions,” I would say that: “Dementia is a terminal illness and needs to be recognized as such so these patients receive better palliative care.”
Our mother in law is suffering from Parkinson's disease and to me there are a lot of similarities to Alzheimer's. 


As a teenager, I saw a neighbour decline from Alzheimer's disease. During his final months, he was repeatedly treated for infections and put in restraints or sedated to control agitation.

Seeing my mother in law in that state is so distressing that I will eventually stop taking the grandchildren to visit,” Simply transferring a dementia patient from the nursing home to a hospital can lead to confusion, falls or a decline in eating which in turn, often leads to further treatment.


Geriatricians say a large part of the problem is that the patients are unable to make their wishes known. In the absence of a living will, family members often struggle with guilt and are afraid to stop the aggressive treatment because they do not want to be seen as abandoning a loved one in mental decline.Doctors need to spend more time explaining the prognosis for advanced dementia, making it clear that palliative care does not mean less care. 
 
When I go there on a Sunday to visit my mother in law and take her for a strawl, I enjoy the home that breathes slowly and reminds me that on the outside of this building the real crazy people are running around in circles. Driving in a full panic state with their SUV with the kids in the back to all kinds of sports. That is why I do not like the pressure were we are under nowadays.


I saw a dear friend a few days ago. I stopped by to ask her how he was doing, how his family was. He looked up, voice lowered, and just whimpered: “I’m so busy… I am so busy… have so much going on.”

Almost immediately after, I ran into another friend and asked him how he was. Again, same tone, same response: “I’m just so busy… got so much to do.”
The tone was exacerbated, tired, even overwhelmed.

How did we create a world in which we have more and more and more to do with less time for leisure, less time for reflection, less time for community, less time to just… be? Welcome to the land of Burn Outs.

This disease of being “busy” (and let’s call it what it is, the dis-ease of being busy, when we are never at ease) is spiritually destructive to our health and well being. It stops our ability to be fully present with those we love the most in our families, and keeps us from forming the kind of community that we all so desperately crave.


Since the 1950s, we have had so many new technological innovations that we thought (or were promised) would make our lives easier, faster, simpler. Yet, we have no more “free” or leisurely time today than we did decades ago.
For some of us, the “privileged” ones, the lines between work and home have become blurred. We are on our devices. (getting the bended neck syndrome) All The Freaking Time. Smart phones and laptops mean that there is no division between the office and home. When the kids are in bed, we are back online.


The reality looks very different for others. For many, working two jobs in low-paying sectors is the only way to keep the family afloat. Twenty percent of our children are living in poverty, and too many of our parents are working minimum wage jobs just to put a roof over their head and something resembling food on the table. We are so busy.

The old models, including that of a nuclear family with one parent working outside the home, have passed away for most of us. We now have a majority of families being single families, or where both parents are working outside the home. It is not working. It is modern slavery to pay all the bills from the tax office etc.



It doesn’t have to be this way.
I am not asking how many items are on your to-do list, nor asking how many items are in your inbox. I want to know how your heart is doing, at this very moment. Tell me. Tell me your heart is joyful, tell me your heart is aching, tell me your heart is sad, tell me your heart craves a human touch. Examine your own heart and explore your soul, and then tell me something about your heart and your soul.


Tell me you remember you are still a human being, not just a human doing. Tell me you’re more than just a machine, checking off items from your to-do list. Have that conversation, that glance, that touch. Be a healing conversation, one filled with grace and presence.


We need a different relationship to work, to technology. We know what we want: a meaningful life, a sense of community, a balanced existence. It’s not just about “leaning in” or faster iPhones. We want to be truly human.
How exactly are we supposed to examine the dark corners of our soul when we are so busy? How are we supposed to live the examined life?


Somehow we need a different model of organizing our lives, our societies, our families, our communities. I want my kids to be dirty, messy, even bored and learning to become human. I want us to have a kind of existence where we can pause, look each other in the eye, touch one another, and inquire together:


Let us insist on a type of human-to-human connection where when one of us responds by saying, “I am just so busy,” we can follow up by saying, “I know, love. We all are. But I want to know how your heart is doing.”

The Old Sailor,

June 5, 2013

A "new" car


Dear Bloggers,

It happened two weeks ago that my wife called me and told me that she had an accident with our Volvo V40 which we drove for nearly 13 years and had more than half a million kilometres on the clock. At the traffic lights in Groningen another car reversed full power into the front of our car. 

 Our Volvo V40 has gone to carheaven

 It was declared by the insurrance company as a total loss. Bummer now we needed all of a sudden another car and we are not that rich at the moment. So we are using our holiday payment and tax money to find something else. And yes we succeeded. We bought a Volvo V70 from the year 2002. The insurance money is peanuts so that doesn’t help much. I have been on the net for many hours to find us something suitable.


On the net

If we all had our way, every car we ever buy would be brand new; shiny, unmarked, and full of the new car smell. However, the reality is that we're often restricted financially, or circumstances may present us with a second hand car as our most convenient option. There are pros to both options, so it's worth considering your choices before you make that big purchase.
The Dream for us the Volvo XC70

Obviously there are some clear upsides to buying a brand new car. A vehicle which has never been driven will offer better, fresher performance, and likely it will be more reliable too. Having a car fresh from the dealer means you know it's had the full gamut of checks and inspections, and you can rest assured you are now driving a smooth-running car. You should also be given a warranty to give you for the first few years and with a new car you will pay less in running costs.

There are a lot of cars for sale

This isn't to say that a second-hand car is not as good as a new one. In many cases a well-cared-for vehicle offers much the same quality, ability and style as it did when it was first driven out of the dealership. And second hand cars don’t mean you can’t get a warranty.  Many approved-used deals will offer a 3 month warranty even if the car is a few years old. 


The Volvo V70 model 2014

So why buy new? There certainly are things to consider when opting for an unused car. A brand new vehicle is more expensive of course. And, despite paying out for a fresh new model, it will depreciate greatly in the first 12 months, and as much as 35% in the first three years, which means you can lose more than a third of what you paid for it.

Yeah. Right,.......

Of course, some financial benefits, such as interest-free finance, only come with a straight-out-of-the-dealership option. This might be a more preferable and beneficial arrangement for you, in which case buying new is the way to go. And after all, with a used car you never really know its history so there are always thorough checks which need to be made before you can confidently drive it away.

Our new Volvo, a real family car

At the end of the day, it is worth asking yourself what you need, and want, in a car. If you really do want to buy one which is brand new, consider the reasons for this. Obviously there's nothing quite like choosing your ideal vehicle and being the first person to own it, but it can be a smart move to look at some second-hand options as well.

the half million was just reached a few months ago

Even if you do decide that a shiny new vehicle is the best choice for you, at least you'll be able to relish the peace of mind that you did some prior research. At the end of the day, a car is a major purchase, and it never hurts to check out all the options.


LPG installation

Now we have to save some money to buy a LPG installation and get it build in. That will save us many euros and we can drive many happy kilometres. We still keep hoping that we will win something in the lottery so we can live a bit easier.
Make many save kilometres with your “new” Volvo and drive towards the horizon.

The Old Sailor,

July 22, 2012

" we can go camping sometime."

Dear Bloggers,

The title of this blog entry is a quote. But more importantly, it was something that was said to me.... by a weird man. WTF?

I work on commuter busses now, and let me tell you: You run into all sorts of people in this job; whether they be creepy, cool, out of their minds or even normal, WHATEVER. You will eventually run into them all. I think as of right now, I have dealt with more “Strange” people than anyone else. I have had my fair share of run ins with really cool people, but the creepy guys take the cake. It's like they just flock to me. I'm not sure if it's the deodorant I wear, or if it's the cologne I don't wear. All I know is, it has to stop.



One day when I was at work, a passenger came in and he was looking around a bit weird before he sat down, and he immediately started singing. I don't have a problem with people singing; some people just like to have fun. And that's cool. But it's not cool when you are a creepy homeless dude changing the lyrics to, "I want to bomb Iraq," and screaming them when there are friendly customers on the bus. I told him at the next stop to either stop singing or to get off my bus. Then he started shouting at me and I told him to bugger off now.



He eventually stopped shouting and paid for the ride with his chipcard. He left, and I said to myself, "I hope he never comes in again." Well he started to come on my route everyday after that. And do you know what he would do? He would stand right by the busstop in the city centre. No, that's it. Just stand. You thought that I was going to say that we had engrossing conversations day in and day out. No. He just stood there all day being weird. OK, OK. He didn't JUST stand there. He attempted to make small talk here and there, but I wasn't really participating. But you would think that he would get the hint that I don't really want to talk with him.


Now before you guys think I am a jerk, I just need to let you know that I tried talking with the dude, but this guy was out of his lips. He would talk about the same thing everyday. ks.

I will never forget this one day though. He was telling me about a fountain that he goes to daily to pray at. I told him that I have seen that fountain a few times with some friends. I figured that I would be nice and try to have a conversation. He says, "Oh, that's neat." I say "yeah." It was silent for about two minutes after that. At the time, I believe I was writing some counting scores down. As I am writing he says to me, "Maybe we can go camping sometime." Go camping sometime? After two minutes of silence, you break it by asking me to go camping with you? WTF? I have never felt more uncomfortable in my life at that point. I had to let the dude down easy because I didn't know if he was going to kill me and I hardly know him.


Needless to say, he came again after that and asked if I wanted to grab dinner with him sometime. Again, wtf? Now this kills me. It really does. Why can't an attractive girl ask me to go camping with them? Or go out to dinner with them? WHY? Instead I get weird, homeless looking, dudes all over me. Maybe I should go camping with my family.

The Old Sailor,

Talking and Writing

Dear Bloggers,   Why is it that some folks (such as myself and my daughter) talk so much? This visit, I am learning how I process throug...