Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex. Show all posts

May 16, 2013

Spring is in the air


Dear Bloggers,

If your weather is anything like mine, it certainly doesn't feel like spring is in the air. But that's okay! The rain is pooring down and lightning strikes in the area. We had some nice spring days already with temperatures above 20 degrees Celcius. So I am sure to warm things up for you!


Spring has always been traditionally linked with romance, and for a good reason. Flowers bloom as the ground thaws out, and as the temperatures rise, we're ready to go out and do something. Falling in love is always a popular item on the list. Even if you're already coupled up, spring is a wonderful time to discover new experiences with your partner! Nature is beautiful when the sun is out, even in the city


After mowing the garden this week, I sat down made myself a nice cup of coffee and picked a novelle from the bookshelf. Sitting there hearing the birds sing and enjoying the sunshine. If you are dreaming away sitting in your backyard with a romantic novelle, picturing the following phrases you get weak inside and find yourself in this story:

 
He collapsed on top of her, his face landing in the cushion of her silken hair. Breathing heavily, he inhaled the aroma of moss, honeysuckle, and something else that was simply, undeniably her. He slid to the side, keeping his arms wrapped tightly around her. Laura turned to face him, and her tangible movements in the aftermath of their activities brought him more joy than he ever thought possible.

Even as exhaustion descended upon him like a soothing rain, she captured his undivided attention. “I love you,” he said.
 

All of sudden you are woken up by one of the kids that just came home after school. Somehow you cannot ban this picture out of your head and you are still fully aroused when your spouse is coming home. Yes my friends I will tell you that spring fever is real. Sure, we think of it as a time for young people to fall in love during a spring break. But we don’t realize there’s a whole lot of biological action taking place to motivate people to get it on when the sun comes out. Part of it is about the sun and increased levels of vitamin D and how that raises testosterone levels in our bodies. The rest is about exploring the world which gets people primed and ready for sex. Let’s look at some scientific facts behind spring fever so you’ll be ready … no matter how crazy it gets … when you hit the beach!


Sunshine raises vitamin D levels. Vitamin D is actually a hormone that is generated when sunlight hits your skin. During winter, your vitamin D levels drop by 50% unless you take supplements. When you get out and hit the beach at the onset of spring, your vitamin D levels jump back up, especially if you’re in the semi-tropics like Cancun, Mexico, Hawaii, or Thailand.
Vitamin D is Associated with Testosterone. When vitamin D goes up, so does your level of testosterone. This happens because vitamin D increases the production of testosterone in men’s and women’s sex organs. 


And that is what makes Spring fever come alive.
Testosterone is Necessary for Sexual Arousal in both Women and Men. It’s an urban myth that testosterone is strictly a male hormone. Women are dependent, too, on sufficient levels of testosterone in order to become physically aroused about sex. There is, in fact, a testosterone patch for women who just can’t get physically aroused about sex. Emotional arousal, of course, is different and related to another set of hormones and neurotransmitters.


Exploring the World increases emotional desire for sex. When individuals get out and explore the world like people do when spring fever hits, the willingness to engage in sex increases. That’s because exploring new things increase the neurotransmitters tied to the mental-emotional part of being hot to get it on. That mental-emotional part of sexual desire generally involves a debate about whether the time and place is right for sex. Exploring the world works to tune that out.


What this all amounts to is that spring fever is a biological Yes!Yes! reaction to hitting the beach: Yes your body is getting aroused for sex. And Yes your head says, “Why not?” to sexual encounters.
It doesn’t matter who you are or what your relationship status is. Do yourself a favor. Take a spring break and hit the beach. Bring your lover or spouse, go with a friend, or jump on a plane and just arrive. Don’t ask me why, but just go and do it! It’s great for your health both emotionally and physically. And for your love life. 

Let the sunshine give it a tune up!

The Old Sailor,

September 12, 2012

Men and wanting only one thing


Dear Bloggers,

Sex researchers are peculiar beasts. Armed with their tape measures, clipboards, surveys, and hidden cameras, they seek to provide a peephole from which to scrutinize that most private of spheres, human sexuality.

The idea that men think about sex every seven seconds, like the claim that we only use 10 percent of our brains, is often repeated but rarely sourced. The number doesn't bear up against scrutiny. According to the Kinsey Report, 54% of men think about sex every day or several times a day, 43 percent a few times a week or a few times a month, and 4 percent less than once a month. Even though the Kinsey Report relies on men to self-report on how often they think about sex, it's still eye opening to find that just under half of men aren't even thinking about sex once a day. Clearly, the seven-second rule may be a tad hyperbolic.



“Not Tonight, Honey” is a well known phrase for most man and this might lead to sexual frustration. As man are not all that good at being turned down.
The stereotype about the sex-starved man and the disinterested woman may be more than just a cliche. As it turns out, the instant a woman enters a secure relationship, her sex drive begins to plummet. Four years in, a German study found, fewer than half of women wanted regular sex. And after 20 years, only 20 percent did.

Among men, libido held steady no matter how long they'd been in the relationship. Researchers provide an evolutionary explanation—women's sex drive is initially high to facilitate pair bonding. Meanwhile, desire for tenderness showed the opposite trend. Ninety percent of women craved tenderness, but of men who'd been in relationships for ten years, only 25 percent said they hoped for the same from their partner.



In Three Minutes Flat
Judging from the average porn flick, romance novel, or locker room conversation, a Martian landing on Earth would probably assume that intercourse would last somewhere in the vicinity of 40 minutes. But if that Martian were to actually enter into a relationship, he might be in for a big disappointment. Such marathon sessions are the exception to the rule; surveys find that the average sex session lasts from three to ten minutes. Not that any of this should be so surprising as the average hotel porn viewer watches for just 12 minutes.



I was in a conversation the other day (the only thing I do if there are not that many people on the bus and every subject is welcome as the average run is approx 30 minutes) and the passenger has a less boring ride as well.

This particular young lady who is studying social science introduced me to a new level and we got onto the subject of dating. A lot has changed a total new generation has entered don’t ask, you know how women can talk in circles and the woman expressed discouragement because the men she met were only interested in One Thing. According to her this was not what she was looking for in a relationship, she was more looking for a guy that could take care of himself and sex would not be a main thing. For a moment I was puzzled and thought what has happened to this young lady. Has she had some bad experiences with guys.
 


I said “So what?”  It is a fact that half of the populatian of the human male species are only interested in One Thing.  But I think you should not be to careful when dating as men are all hunters it is in there brain from day one. Only this time I added, “Maybe I am only interested in One Thing, too, but is that a problem to have a conversation with me?”  My poor passenger, whom I thought nothing could shock, blanched. And she said: “No of course there is no problem in conversating but you are so open minded that it shocked me.” She smiled and said: “Maybe you are right about the guys there might be some nice personality behind the hunter.” She got off the bus and waved goodbye to me and smiled.
 


The thing is that men aren’t really interested in only One Thing.  But they certainly need to get that One Thing out of the way.  And, the truth is so do women.  At least, once we reach a certain age. If we aren’t looking for a mother or father for our children, or, necessarily a good provider, if we’re looking for a lover, a companion, and a great man or woman to hang with for some measure of the duration, then we need to be honest with ourselves:  doesn’t The Thing count for something? Don’t we want a man or woman who makes our stomach jump, our heart flop, our mouth long for the kiss?  Aren’t we looking for romance and isn’t romance that tingly feeling we can’t explain? Not in all cases it fades away. But my question is: “Isn’t that the reason women get sex and love so mixed up with each other?”  To love someone you have to want them to touch you and this should not all come from one side.
 


I mean, let’s get real.  We’re dating for a reason. We can go to the movies with a friend.  We’ve got our kids to love, our parents to take care of.  We are all grown up now.  We want someone to take our pants off.
 
A good friend of mine said once: “If a man isn’t thinking about pussy all the time he’s just not paying attention.”  It should be a qoute from a golfer he said, no I didn’t look the quote up because it seemed so preposterous, but I did do an informal survey once when I was still sailing but these guys are all a bit special at least that is what i think. All the men agreed that they thought about it all the time. So I am not only a horndog I am also an intellectual and I would further like to explain:
 


“It’s contextual. We think about a thousand things a day, but pussy is always in the mix. Say we’re thinking about the curve of something, even something mathematical. Well, that leads us back to a woman’s curves. It’s like the shape of a Ferrari or a beautiful lined ship. Everything is designed that it gives the feeling of arousal.  It all leads back my dear. And that is how men think about sex every eight seconds.” Great designers are just horny bastards.
 
I would never hesitate to stereotype my own sex.  Recently when yet another old boyfriend got in touch with my wife through Facebook, I sighed. “Is this one divorced, too?  Every time a man gets divorced, he contacts you. I know what they want.”
 


Yeh, the One Thing. But the truth is that over the years some old girlfriends have found me on Facebook and none of them have wanted that. They just wanted to reconnect, see how I was. This may be because none of my relationships, except one, have ended badly and even the one that ended badly did not involve knives or guns or stalking. A lot of Facebook friends probably hope that they did things better than you.
 
Still, with the latest contact, I asked a male friend what he thought this newest woman might want. “I don’t know” he said.  “I’ve contacted several old girlfriends and it was never for that. But then I am sort of a weird man.”
 
You can tell he was a big help.
 


Turns out I was a very fond memory. Which was nice. 
 
My wife and I got The Thing out of the way pretty quickly and I am still married to herckly. Women are way more in control than we like to admit. Men know that. 

The Old Sailor,

May 19, 2012

Do you still have a sexlife


Dear Bloggers,
 

First of all I have to say sorry that I have not been much of a writer lately. I can make up a hundred excuses but no one cares I guess. Let my think what was I planning to write about this time. Oh .....it was something we discussed about on a Saturday evening when I was at work having my break in the cafeteria. Most of my collegues are over fifty and you can guess what the conversation is about if you have only men present. Surprisingly some guys are very talkative and some of them were admitting that their sexlife was not that brilliant anymore. Some had lost the feeling as the beauty had faded and sex was not that much pleasure due to nagging about pain, headaches and what ever was on her mind. Others had trouble to get something straight due to medication or not being interested in their partner anymore.




It really got my mind going about this matter and I thought I am happy for a while when I get lucky. If I compare things to approx fifteen years ago my sexlive became more boring as well. As some couples from my age still shag their brains out. Whenever it is possible or whenever one of them is arroused. It makes me wonder: Why do some couples sizzle while others fizzle? Social scientists are studying no-sex marriages for clues about what can go wrong in relationships.

Married men and women, on average, have sex with their spouse 58 times a year, a little more than once a week, according to data collected from the General Social Survey, which has tracked the social behaviors since 1972. But there are wide variations in that number. Married people under 30 have sex about 111 times a year. And it’s estimated that about 15 percent of married couples have not had sex with their spouse in the last six months to one year. (Scary but based on reality.)



I recently asked myself the following questions as I wandered about how much researchers really understand about no-sex marriages. I came to this subject as my spouse was forbidden to have sex due to the heavy antibiotics she was getting to shut down her nasty pneumonia. To me sex is a great thing as it clears both my body and mind. In that matter I do not understand much of the woman’s way of thinking. Hmmmm.......am I an addict or just a healthy bloke? But at this moment it is very quiet between the sheets. (Damn I feel old at the moment.) Here’s my mind setting.

Is there any indication that the sexless marriage is becoming more common? Or are we just hearing about it more

I suspect that we just hear more about it. Back in the days before reliable birth control, having a sexless marriage was one way of limiting family size. Those were also the days when women were not supposed to enjoy sex and often used it as a bargaining tool in their marriages (because they were socialized to do so). Plus, unhappy couples (who are less likely to have sex) were more likely to stay together because of social expectations, or because they had children they were raising.




Why does a marriage become sexless? Does it start that way? Or does sex fade?

The answer to that one is both. Some of the people in the survey never had much sex from the beginning, while others identified a particular time or event (childbirth, affair) after which sex slowed or stopped. Some people become accustomed to their spouse, bored even, and sex slows. For others, it is the demands of raising a family, establishing a career, and mid-adulthood. And there are people who have very low sex drives, and may even be asexual. They may have some sex with their partners to begin with, but it becomes unimportant to them (and usually not so unimportant to their spouses). These folks may also be dealing with guilt, issues with the human body, or feel that sex is “dirty” or only for procreation. A small number of couples showed a mixed pattern, where they would have periods of “feast” and of “famine.”



Are couples in sexless marriages less happy than couples having sex?

Generally, yes. There is a feedback relationship in most couples between happiness and having sex. Happy couples have more sex, and the more sex a couple has, the happier they report being. But keep in mind that sex is only one form of intimacy, and that some couples are fairly happy (and intimate) even without sex. I did find that people in sexless marriages were more likely to have considered divorce than those in sexually active marriages. There is no ideal level of sexual activity — the ideal level is what both partners are happy with — and when one (or both) are unhappy, then you can have marital problems.




Can people in a marriage that has become sexless rekindle their sex lives?

Some do. But once a marriage has been sexless for a long time, it’s very hard. One or both may be extremely afraid of hurt or rejection, or just entirely apathetic to their partner. They may not have been communicating about sex for a very long time (if ever) and have trouble talking about it. Couples who talk over their sex lives (as well as other aspects of their marriages) tend to have healthier marriages, but it’s hard to get a couple talking once they’ve established a pattern of non-communication. Probably sounds familiar to some of you that are afraid that their kids might walk into the bedroom during the bedroom game

There are mixed opinions about what to do to rekindle marital sex. For some couples, it may be as simple as a weekend away from the kids, taking a vacation or cruise, or just having some time off, alone. Others may need help in re-establishing communication and may seek professional assistance. The sad fact is that there are few counseling professionals that deal with this issue. Often, marriage counselors focus on other aspects, rather than sex. While these other aspects may play a big role in sexual inactivity, talking explicitly about sex is essential.



Are people in sexless marriages more likely to get divorced?

People in sexless marriages report that they are more likely to have considered divorce, and that they are less happy in their marriages.

Some of our former respondents have kept in touch with me, and the happiest ones are actually those that have moved on to other partners. It may be that lack of sex is a signal that all intimacy in a marriage is over, and that both would be happier in other situations. I know that this may not be a popular idea with the religious and political right, but it may be a better solution than staying in a marriage that is hurtful and unfulfilling.



In sum, these situations are just so complicated. Each couple has to examine their specific histories, their motivations and goals, and whether it is worth it to them to work on putting sex back in the marriage. It can be a difficult task and require that people take emotional and physical steps that aren’t comfortable for them.

What else are you trying to learn about sexless marriages?

I’m hoping to begin to understand what I am doing wrong in my own situation this time, to try and understand better the processes that others experience, how they make decisions, and how these decisions affect their future happiness. Ultimately, I’d like to know how those who were able to repair their sexual relationships did so. Maybe we can still live happier and until the end being together, and why is it so important to us.

The Old Sailor,


July 3, 2011

Pick one: Smartphone or Sex

Dear Bloggers,














Hmmmm.......Honey not now I am so tired of Facebook, Twitter, Linkedin and Hyves

What did I read last week into the Spits? (a free newspaper like Metro being spread in public areas and public transport)". Young people prefer smartphones over sex. Is this really stated there? I have read it three times before it dawned on me. WhatsApp, Facebook and email we like better than one steamy night between the sheets. I feel totally not addressed by this message. What happened to the duplication game? First of all, I have a smartphone but it is just there in case, and secondly, I like the game of love just a tad higher than mobile internet.

Help wanted, many positions available

But so many of us are so attached to the constant internet connection that it is difficult to take distance of it. Of course it is convenient to have your email within reach, when I am on the bus to check the news (of course during my breaks) and if you get lost a route planner to get you back into the right direction. But did you miss it five years ago? Mobile internet has become more accessible in recent years but I don’t miss it at all.


Cell phone with camera and vibrating function

My phone dates back to the era that law enforcers were riding horses and ships were made of wood. For now I'm still not going to admit that I really need to have a smartphone. If I do not know the way I will ask it to someone that passes by, on the bus I read a newspaper and I check my mail when I am at home. Call me old fashioned but I do not have to be online constantly. I do not need 100 different ways to stay in touch.


phoning was not that complicated

Before I was hooked to my good old fashioned Nokia blabberbox, ok it had the measurements of a fridge and was heavy like a army radio set. It was a safe kind of phone and impossible to destroy. (it committed suicide several times by jumping of the shelf on high seas but never had a scratch) All of sudden last year unexpectedly shortly it blew out its last monophonic tones, CPR was to late and in the phone hospital they could only transplant some of the memory into a new phone. I had to say good bye and with pain in my heart exchanged him for for a high-tech smartphone from HTC. I am slowly getting used to it.


We all need a hobby, I have an internet free room

But sweet blog readers, there's nothing like a sultry, passionate and steamy night. I'd rather lie beside a slender blonde with an appetizing figure than I wake up next to a smartphone. So be it that I am not in contact with the outside world for a while. It even appears that a lot of young people need about half of month’s salary to stay online. So we walk just past that sexy blonde or that irresistible man with medium length hair. That is so bloody wrong, and also actually spending a hell lot of money to stay in touch with your friends. Where is the logic part in this?


I only use half of all these functions

I think my opinion is clear! I'm not so dependent on a smartphone that I cannot miss it for two weeks. Sex is not the most important thing in life but it is a great way of spending some free time. What about you? Are you so badly attached to a mobile phone with internet that you have no sex for two weeks about? Hmmm........ I'm curious!

The Old Sailor,

May 28, 2011

An ice cold woman or is it our own mistake being a man?

Dear Bloggers,

This week I have been setting my mind to the differences between man and woman. I hear a lot of conversations in my daily life. Most interesting I found this one. It was the frustrating world of two men having a relationship with their wife who was getting frigid. As they were in the same age group as me. It made me wander why women actually ended up in this stage of life? Somehow we forgot that normal men are hunters and women only need a man to protect her kids and get them something to eat. In those days no one knew about veneral diseases and men shagged everything that was suitable. Ok they did not get that old as us but it must have been a fantastic life for men.



To my bewilderment, the more a man tries to entice his wife to be better in bed, the colder she is likely to get. With my own needs screaming within me, a man can be expected to start emphasizing sex, and yet this usually sets off alarm bells within a woman. Despite her husband’s best intentions, she could soon end up feeling devastated, imagining he married her simply because he wanted a legal prostitute!



Men typically dismiss such wifely outbursts as complete nonsense. The sad reality, however, is that the best of us are in danger of lapsing into shallow sex, dragging our wives down with us. Even more disturbing is that we men seldom sense when we are on this decline. Women, on the other hand, tend to be acutely perceptive of what we are really doing to them. The popularity of porn proves this male tragedy. As unbelievable as it sounds, men are capable of so demeaning themselves as to have sexual interaction with ink on paper or electrons in a computer! As if this were not shocking enough, they can engage in this depravity and barely be aware that they are degrading and depersonalizing what was meant to be the pinnacle of interpersonal relations. If so many men can fall into having a sexual experience with a piece of paper, each of us live a knife edge away from sometimes treating our wives as no more than a lump of flesh and not even realize how much we have debased both ourselves and the most precious person in our lives.

The shocking truth is that the most common reason for female frigidity is that their men are not the great lovers they imagine themselves to be.



As an egg cannot burst into life unless it is kept warm, and plants can flower only under the right conditions, so a normal woman can reach the pinnacle of sexual passion and abandonment only if she feels loved, valued, secure, relaxed and physically refreshed.

When, instead of doing more to foster these feelings, a man tries to overcome his wife’s sexual inhibitions by focusing on the physical, she slips from feeling secure and relaxed to feeling pressured to perform. She slumps from feeling valued as a person to feeling reduced to a toy. Under the devastation of this emotionally crippling insult, her sexual passion dries up. Her sex drive will most likely vanish for as many weeks or years as she continues to feel that this is how her husband sees her. On the other hand, if it gradually sinks into the core of her being that she is loved, honored and cherished by her husband, her yearning to sexually thrill him will skyrocket.



Your wife’s passion is the culmination of all the feelings you have generated within her, not just in the last ten minutes, but every time you have been in her presence in the last days and weeks and even months. If a woman is cold in bed, it is usually because the way she is treated outside of bed has left her cold.

In making a woman feel loved, a hug not intended to lead to anything, is worth twenty passionate kisses when is sex on the agenda. When a husband does little to make his wife feel valued except when he wants his sexual needs met, acting like the world’s greatest romantic for what to him are the few critical moments, will not prevent him from being a miserable failure as a lover. Rightly or wrongly, she will feel not loved, but the victim of a cold-hearted con artist who is unconcerned about her and wants only to manipulate her for his selfish gratification.

A woman’s hearing fails if the only time she hears, ‘I love you,’ is during foreplay. To her, the words end up sounding remarkably like, ‘I love conning you into serving my needs.’ And, ‘You’re beautiful,’ begins to sound like, ‘Just forget about your feelings – I have. All I care about is using your body as something to masturbate inside of.’



It’s too late to suddenly transmute into the perfect lover when you want sex. If how you treat your wife then is inconsistent with how you treat her the rest of the time, your attempts to arouse her will affirm not your lovemaking skills but your hypocrisy. The show you put on might be so convincing that you fool yourself into thinking you are loving her, but she will see right through it and feel not loved, but violated. Hypocrites arouse in their victims neither love nor lust but pure disgust. Under those circumstances your failure to sexually arouse her would prove not her frigidity but her intelligence.

A particularly important time for a man to show love is the few minutes immediately after he has been sexually satisfied. At this, the very time when most men feel like sleeping, a hormone is usually released within a woman that heightens her alertness and longing for romance. This makes it a critical time for bonding.

A man does not deliberately create his wife’s coldness. He simply becomes preoccupied with other things and so his wife’s feelings fade from his consciousness. Unfortunately, this preoccupation means his wife has slipped in his priorities. No matter how much we kid ourselves, our priorities are a most revealing measure of the genuineness of our love.



It is generally realized that for good sex most women need genital caressing during foreplay. A common complaint women have about this is that their partners keep pressing too hard. This mistake, however, is merely a symptom of the real problem. At the heart of such matters is that the wife has not taught her husband how to please her. In most cases this can be traced to what is commonly called the male ego – the tendency for a weak man to crumple, pathetically thinking himself a failure, if forced to admit to himself that he knows less about his wife’s sexual feelings than she does.

Let’s face facts. Every woman is unique. No one can become a good lover merely by reading books or from former partners. The only way anyone can learn how to sexually thrill a specific woman is by responding to guidance she gives. Many couples tragically miss out because the woman is too timid to provide the feedback necessary for good sex. Usually it’s because the husband has given the impression that he is that weak sort of male who can never learn from the only person who truly knows how to thrill his wife – the woman herself. If you cannot learn from your wife, you might pass as an animal, but as a husband you are a failure.



What ignites a woman sexually varies enormously, not just from woman to woman, but from day to day. For example, studies have shown that, especially for a woman not on the pill, male body odors that disgust her most of the time arouse her at a certain point in her menstrual cycle. Likewise, what visually appeals to her sexually varies according to the time of month.

You can only get to know your wife’s sexuality the same way you get to know her personality – from her, not from books or videos or guesswork. Getting inside her body without getting inside her mind will end up a hollow experience for both of you.

Ok...Let’s Get Practical

Treat your computer as a football and you won’t have a computer for long. You might keep the pieces but it will be incapable of meeting your computing needs. A few seconds’ fun would turn you into a loser. Treat a wife like an inflatable doll and you won’t have a wife for long, even if you still have the pieces.



Many of the most significant things in kindling a woman’s sexual feelings are quite different to what makes a man feel like sex. The average man can see the link between maintaining a car and that car’s performance, but he seldom sees the link between maintaining his wife’s awareness of his love and his wife’s sexual performance.



Here are pointers as to how to help a woman know she is loved. From this will flow astounding benefits, including bringing her to the peak of her sexuality.

Praise her. Regularly find things you like about her physical appearance, her character and her abilities, and verbalize your admiration. Appreciate all that she does for you and freely express your gratitude.

Consult your wife before making decisions. Share your plans and dreams with her. Be open and honest with her about every aspect of your life.

Realize that for your wife to be the full woman you need her to be, she needs close women friends. Don’t feel threatened by this. It is part of what makes her a woman. You married her because she is a woman, not a man, so let her be the full woman she is.

Regularly ask her such things as:

* What can I do to make you feel more loved?

* What can I do to boost your confidence and help you feel good about yourself?

* What can we do to make sex more exciting and fulfilling for you?



Perhaps you are scared to ask such questions for fear she will say something like, “Help more around the house.” Be brave! If this really is high on her priorities for feeling loved, then it is important. More is at stake than a bit of housework. It touches her emotional well-being and your entire marriage. Only she knows the critical elements in making her feel loved.

It is not easy to be a modern man and please a woman her needs.

The Old Sailor,

October 6, 2010

Shopping or Sex?

Dear Bloggers,


"Women Think of Shopping as Much as Men Think of Sex!" screams a headline in the free newspaper of last week.


Woohoo, boy. This is just about the most dubiously sourced piece of journalism.

A study says that women think about buying a new outfit once every minute -- or put another way, 60 times each waking hour. This data comes from the responses of 74% of 778 women aged 19 to 45 at this 'online fashion bible' web site. In other words, that's 575 self-selected women.


Now let's take a look at the study about men, who supposedly think about sex as much as we think about shopping. (I think that once a minute is a but much but I admit it is many times a day.)

"Other studies have previously claimed to uphold the commonly-held belief that young men have only one thing on their minds - sex...They are said to think about it every 52 seconds, while the subject crosses some women's minds only once a day."


I did some half-assed Googling to find this "men think about sex this much, women think about sex that much" study and didn't come up with much -- but fight shoddy research with shoddy research, I say! The best we could do was to find data on the web site of the reputable Kinsey Institite, which says, according to a 14-year-old study, 19% of ladies think about sex everyday or several times a day, 67% think of it a few times per week or month, and 14% think of it less than once a month. That same study found that 54% of men think of sex everyday, while 43% of men think of it a few times per week or month and only 4% think of it less than once a month.

The best part of the article is the piece when a psychologist debunks the whole silly argument:


Discussing the cosmopolitan survey, psychologist Dr Jane Prince, said: 'People think about things which bring them pleasurable feelings. The pleasure is usually in the anticipating and planning.

'But so many women displaying this level of preoccupation, thinking about something once a minute, would indicate widespread addictive behaviour with regard to shopping which really does not seem to be evidenced in any academic literature I have ever seen."


I don't know who is more at fault: web sites that do polls and pass them off as studies, or journalists who utilize polls like studies, but they both have to stop. These tired and old worn out ideas are not realistic anymore. That men are sex-crezed beasts, and that women are shallow and superficial, hmmmm.......it is not really from this time and it will do no one any good and only perpetuate a consumer culture that thrives on fostering women's insecurities and men's sexual prowess. The problem isn't that women think about shopping "too much," or men think about sex "too much", the real problem is that there's an appetite to both read and write stories that hinge on unproven stereotypes. If I look around me I do not know anyone with a shopping addiction and other guys complain about having not enough sex. This is a natural process as man are hunting always for younger women who are ready for reproduction. But somehow most of us learned to nag instead of doing the mating dance.


Hmmm.......to those 575 women who think about shopping every 60 seconds, I hope that one of the purchases that crosses their minds is a vibrator so they can please more then their own needs. Now I'm gonna go to work and think about F***ing once a minute for the rest of the day, you silly, silly newspaper.

The Old Sailor,

June 6, 2010

And they call it a feast.

Dear Bloggers,

We just finish today with our annual village festivities on fridaynight I had my night out and I got pretty wasted. When I was in the tent I had a pretty good time as we were close to the bar and the band was not that bad so beer was flowing quick enough to get hammered. But the influence of alcohol can do funny things to people as they let themselves go. I have been observing a few odd couples as they are related to other men. That is the good part of bringing your kids to school for a longer period. (I know all these wannabe the most beautiful mums and they are definitely not my cup of tea.)



It has been puzzling me for years why people especially wait for these feasts to come out with this kind of playing open game. As the next day you are the talk of the day. Is it that they go back on memory lane as most of the youngsters get there first relation during these days. The alcohol lowers the line of being too shy to ask your favorite boy are girl. But why people of my age do these things I really cannot figure it out. They blame it on too much drink but I do not believe that. Ok you are getting a bit more loose but the brain is still functioning in a random mode. My brain has been rattling the last 48 hours why people do this as they have a family with kids and they know that this will have consequences in the long run.



I had a go on the internet and figured the following things out. Recent studies have shown that around 45% of married women and 60% of married men are unfaithful at some time or another during their relationship. Infidelity can range from a one night drunken mistake to a long term, planned and calculated affair. Adultery doesn't have to mean the end, but is likely to have a long term impact on your relationship.



Some people are unfaithful for the thrill and excitement. Some people have affairs because they want to get out of the relationship and can't communicate that fact. Some even have affairs as a cry for help, an indication that something is seriously wrong in the relationship. Admittedly, being unfaithful isn't the best way to tell your partner that you are unhappy but it can be the wake up call that some relationships need.

Sometimes the very fact that a partner is unfaithful allows a couple to take an honest look at their relationship and work through their problems together - creating a stronger and more open partnership.





Why are people unfaithful?

  • Lack of fulfilment in the relationship
  • Fear of commitment or long term issues such as having children
  • Need for more sex or sexual variety
  • Need for excitement
  • To build up self-esteem and feel desirable
  • Lack of stable role model relationships when growing up (or as an adult)
  • Inability to resist the advances of others
  • Sexual addiction
  • To make a partner jealous
  • Fallen out of love
  • Escape to a no strings, less complicated relationship
  • Revenge
  • Wanting out of the relationship but unable to communicate that fact



Here are some common signs that a partner has started an affair or is thinking of infidelity.

  1. Have you noticed a change in sexual desire or habits? One partner suddenly wants more or less sex or starts asking for something that has never been a part of your sex life.
  2. Has your partner suddenly started taking a great deal of care over their appearance? Are they going to the gym, wearing new make up or aftershave?
  3. Do they smell different? Does your partner smell of someone or somewhere else, either perfume, aftershave or the pub.
  4. Have they become more secretive? Your partner has become more defensive when questioned, changing passwords, hiding mail, credit card bills, or their mobile phone.
  5. Are you experiencing strange hang up calls at home?
  6. Have they become more irritated by you? Picking fights over the smallest things, less patient and dismissive.
  7. Has your partner's lifestyle changed? They may have suddenly found new interests or taken up new hobbies. They may be out 3 or 4 nights a week, or have to work late a lot.
  8. Have they suddenly started showering you with gifts or affection? This can be a sign of guilt.
  9. Do they mention someone more frequently? In cases where you might know the person your partner may mention that person frequently - as though they are on their mind a lot.
  10. Do you just have a feeling.......?

One of these signs alone rarely means your partner is being unfaithful. Bear in mind there can be other reasons for these changes such as stress at work or a resolution by your partner to improve themselves or your relationship.



Infidelity affects relationships deeply. It takes time to rebuild trust and decide whether you have a basis on which you can both move forward. If you have decided you can never forgive your partner then you may have to take the decision to separate or divorce. However, infidelity does not have to mean the end of a relationship. There can be life after unfaithfulness.



I think that I am pretty happy with my relationship although there might be some small issues here and there. At least i think that adultery is not worth it, maybe I am to good in explaining my needs to my partner who is not always on the same line then me. But for crying out loud I will not go out and shag someone else his wife. Eeeew most of them are not that pretty and being pissed is also not an excuse for me. I will need a hell lot of liquor to get my lights totally out. I hope that you don’t think that I am strange if it comes to these kind of things. As I do not see any plusses for me are anyone else, in my opinion it is a lose/lose situation.



The Old Sailor,

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