Showing posts with label sun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sun. Show all posts

February 28, 2017

Maybe February is the time for endings

Dear Bloggers,



The bus company I work for has offered me a steady contract for 32 hours per week. I am happy and on the other hand I feel a bit sad. I have been living my life on the wild side if I may say so. I have never been a regular Joe if it comes to jobs. All the jobs that I have done in my past are not all the best paid ones in the world. At least I had fun and saw an awful lot of our planet. And now it’s the last day of February the last day as a Temp. Tomorrow it is the first of March and my contract is activated. It gives me the shivers.


Maybe February is the time for endings. Some of the worst things in my life have happened in February. No, that’s untrue- they just feel like they all happened in February.  Endings tend to have a similar quality: a slowness that’s not the same as a bleak, cold, February morning. 


Then your blood seems like it will never be warm again, sluggish through your veins, now, it just feels like it’s gone underground. It’s not the slackness feeling of a hot, humid, summer, with the sun merciless on your face, turning your skin from brown to a burning and glowing sensation, when you can’t make the effort to even reach out to that cool glass of beer that your wife has placed on your table. No, this is the hushed, sticky quality of the air before the rain suddenly falls in a sheet, and you’re soaked from head to toe; your umbrella dripping uselessly onto your shoes, as the “road” that you walked underneath turns to a muddy river in two minutes flat.


What just happened, you ask yourself, even as you sigh and think “February”. Snow has gone, Winter just packed it’s suitcases and springtime has not arrived yet. Afterward, you try to pick it apart: And loop the past on a scratchy rewind, like those tapes you played over and over until they became scratching, static bursts between the snatches of that so familiar love song. Where the hell  is it, you think, just that one moment, the turning point when it all started there were you found the right one, the moment that you found love is coming undone.


You’re looking for the sign, that one dark cloud in the distance, the flash of lightning, but sometimes all you’re left with is the clear sky ahead and the thickening air, that is taking your breath.

One morning I woke up and found a baby spider that  has crawled into the folds of my fading grey lounging set that sits outside the deck in our garden. It has been unexpectedly cold the last few nights and the little rascal had probably sought out the warmth of the couch cushion.


I flap my hands at the furry resinous intruder: unsurprisingly, it moves not an inch. “I’m giving you ten minutes while I brew the coffee for myself and the tea for my wife”, I tell it solemnly: “after that, you’re out”.  When I step out again, my hands slowly warmed by my steaming mug of coffee, it’s gone. I feel both smug and guilty; like I’ve won a battle and lost a more important war; like I’ve missed the forest for the trees, like I have once again, failed to read the signs.


How are you feeling, my wife asks me. “Okay”, I say and she accepts it for what it is: a barefaced lie. We are, neither of us, strangers to this; when all the stuff inside is so tangled that the only possible answer is just a simple “Okay”.


There’s a dissonance that leaves me tongue tied; the inexplicable chasm between what I know I should feel, and what I do feel; akin to letting yourself in with the key and just finding yourself in a stranger’s house. This is familiar territory, I remind myself. You’ve been here before, you know how this goes.


Endings are not an undiscovered land. And yet. I look up The 5 steps that I learned in the past years again; try to see what I’ve missed. Everything, it looks like; there is no progression, no gradual climb down. I’m just here. But there must be, I think, increasingly desperate for something, anything that feels familiar.  But no, this is the fun house mirror version of myself, everything in its place and just that bit distorted, rendered unrecognizable.


I imagine what a therapist would ask me: how are you sleeping, are you eating regularly, do you shower, do you make the bed, do you change your clothes, do you exercise? Answer: Well, yes, yes, yes, yes, no, but I never did, it’s not unusual. I still hate work for the usual amount, not more or less.


You should be happy mate, a colleague  tells me, I’m not saying who had some rough times in his past. I tell him a long and involved story about how I have lost many people on my way that kept me company. This is not a problem but having a contract is also having some obligations towards my job before it was easier to get a day off as there were no strings attached, to me life is like a friendly cow a huge white-and-black speckled beast. It moos at odd times and reminds me that life goes on; that February, in fact, can be great for some species: plentiful green grass, the fresh air that comes with some springtime smells; outside it’s getting more and more pleasant, of course with slightly unpredictable weather and cool nights.


I lie in bed and listen to the night sounds the squeaking of the roof, the occasional drunken song from two houses away, the rain showers that bash into the windows, a faint siren in the distance from a firetruck, some kind of chirping sound.
That gives me exactly that feeling that you’ve got during the long lazy summer nights. That moment your sitting at the kitchen table and a moth wanders in, flirts with the dazzling white light and then wanders out. It’s not hard to fall asleep on these days, when my thoughts seem to have no particular direction. When I wake up, I don’t remember my dreams.



Fact: time moves forward and I am getting old.
Fact: February seems to last forever.
It’s cold at night, during the day it shifts rapidly from sunny spells to bashing rain showers. Running around in winter jackets and sunglasses on. I’m doing my job for the last day as a Temp. Tomorrow I am one of the guys with a steady job. It feels like a new episode in my life, is this the final destination to my pension.


How are you feeling?, I used to ask others; and now I ask myself: How are you feeling?, the answer is that It feels pretty double and even a bit emotional. Although inside of me the salty blood is still flowing through my veins. I will be an Old Sailor forever.


The Old Sailor,


April 29, 2016

Freezing cold springtime

Dear Bloggers,


It has been more than 50 years since temperatures were this cold this late in the winterseason in The Netherlands, but here we go again. Temperatures near zero for what many with me are hoping will be the last time this spring.




“I’m definitely tired of it,” I hear one of my passengers say when he hops on the bus, and I see a woman looking cold and beaten by the weather as she went jogging in the pooring rain and hailstone showers, and she didn’t expect this severe weather untill the end of the year, when temperatures start to edge a bit closer to normal.




The normal high temperature for late April is around 15 to 18 degrees, and the normal low is 7 to 10 degrees Celcius which most of Holland likely won’t even see as a high until early next week. The average temperature this time of year is 10 to 17 degrees.




However, temperatures won’t get anywhere near the 10 this week. The highest temperature in the forecast is Sunday’s high of 16 degrees. The closest we’ll get to 20 is Monday’s forecast high of 17.





Temperatures overnight dipped as low as -1 degree at the local weatherstation here early last Wednesday morning. That’s just shy of the coldest April. 20 on record, when it was 1 below zero in 1963.





Although temperatures did not get below zero as expected, subzero temperatures remained a possibility. No one held out much hope that springlike weather will arrive “on schedule” with the arrival of spring in less than a month.





On route I see a man walking his chocolate Labrador retriever, who makes the walks necessary, although the man is wearing a winterjacket and hat and scarf he looks pretty cold he probably will make his daily walk a bit shorter, and will walk more briskly.




In the case of a 48 year old professional bus driver which would be me.in this case. I see a lot of people being sick or having the sniffles, although it is not abnormal but you feel that they are all waiting for the beautiful Sunny springweather, normally they would go by bike enjoying the Sun. The bus has to do it's route. no matter what the weather. Opening the front door in bitter cold is not the most fun thing to do.




Yet another man on the bus, said the weather has been so cold so many times, “I”m getting used to it. … I actually enjoy the cold weather now.”

Snow is not that bad, although the rain is crap but the cold is fine. You just put your winter hat on and your gloves. And just when I thought everyone was sick of winter.


The extreme cold this year has been taking a toll on homeowners’ wallets, too. As the heating has to stay on longer

“No question this has been a very tough winter for many gas and oil consumers.”





I hope that we are getting nice and sunny weather soon. People will cheer up again and my life on the commuter bus a little easier. I will have time to look around me and enjoy the beauty of nature.





Let the Sun shine.........Let the Sun shine.......

The Old Sailor,

June 13, 2011

It rains down on me and I am stil happy

Dear Bloggers,

My head was empty like my bus on the last journey, I was bored and had no inspiration at all.
Until hailstones and thunderstorms came out of nothing it pushed my my mind into the second gear again.



A sudden strike of inspiration. I grab my smartpone and pick up my pen. On such a rainy day the sun has not shone brighter. I look out upon the world with clouds stretching to the end of the sky. I stand in the cold rain but all I can see is the greatness of this beautiful planet that we live upon. All I can feel is the warm feelings of my friends and family. A raindrop falls on my spine and bring chills through my body bringing me back to reality. I look out upon the wet and sad looking world and smile, because the sun will always shine.




I wrote this on the spur of the moment, and I have another poem blossoming in my mind that I want to accompany the pictures I have taken. So here you go, another view into my mind.

As the rain fell from heaven,
And soaked the thirsty earth,
The leaves scorched by the sun,
The flowers their fragrance has gone,

And man thanked and murmured:
'O rain, you are pouring again,
Giving hope and determination,
For me to breath and go on living.'

The earth sprouted with greenery
Showing freshness and calmness,
The leaves swayed in the wind,
The flowers, proud and upright,
Smelled-sweet, expressed delight

Just remember no matter how bad it is, at the very least this insignificant boy you have never met... He still want you to smile and would be willing to take whatever pain you have just for that chance.



The above story is similar with the journey of our Life. We push very hard everyday to make more money, to gain power and recognition. We neglect our health, time with our family and to appreciate the surrounding beauty and the hobbies we love to do. One day when we look back, we will realize that we don't really need that much, but then we cannot turn back time for what we have missed.

Life is not about making money, acquiring power or recognition. Life is definitely not about work! Work is only necessary to keep us living so as to enjoy the beauty and pleasures of life.



Life is a balance of Work and Play, Family and Personal time. You have to decide how you want to balance your Life. Define your priorities, realize what you are able to compromise but always let some of your decisions be based on your instincts. Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of Life, the whole aim of human existence. So, take it easy, do what you want to do and appreciate nature. Life is fragile, Life is short. Do not take Life for granted.

Live life to the edge and I would end with the wise phrase: “Live life as long it is there, pray for less fights, spend your last money on a drink and fuck if your life is depending on it.”

The Old Sailor,

March 31, 2011

Whoohooo spring has arrived

Dear Bloggers,



The spring of the year is a favorite season for many people, and it is certainly easy to understand why this is so. The spring is when the earth comes back to life slowly after a long and cold winter, and it is in the spring when the first flowers begin to bloom and the green world begins to return after its winter slumber.


The power of spring and its regenerative effects are evidenced by the fact that every major religion includes a major holiday in the spring season. From Passover to Easter, it seems that every culture marks spring with a celebration of renewal and new life. It is easy to understand how in times past ancient cultures were overjoyed by the power of spring and the beauty of new life.



The spring is an important season for many hobbies, including of course gardening. For the gardener, the spring is one of the most pleasant times in the garden. The spring is the time when the bulbs that were carefully planted in the fall begin to grow and blossom, and the spring is when the first seedlings are carefully nestled in the garden. There is no doubt that the spring is one of the most beautiful, and most colorful, of all seasons for the gardener. And yes it is time to get the garden furniture oiled and get the lawnmower ready for it’s job.



The spring is also a favorite time for home improvement projects that could not go forward while the weather was too cold. Whether it is a small project like cleaning up your driveway or a large project like building a new garage or storage shed, the spring is one of the best times to work at improving the value and livability of the home. In the spring, the weather is neither too hot nor too cold, and the homeowner has plenty of daylight in which to work. It is no wonder that the spring season is one of the busiest for home improvement stores and warehouses.



For the outdoor sports enthusiast, there is nothing like the coming of the spring season. For the fisherman, the coming of spring means the first day of trout season. For the biker, spring means that those favorite trails are no longer impassable due to snow, and for the horseback rider spring means being able to take a ride without being afraid of frozen soil. And of course spring means the opening of girl season, a joy for spectators and players alike. There is a lot of eye candy around when the sun is coming out. Enjoy the beautiful time of spring.

The Old Sailor,

March 20, 2010

Hooray it's Spring

Dear Bloggers,


After a long winter with a lot of snow and ice, people are longing for spring weather. When I am waiting in front of the school to pick up my kids, you hear the others whining about the cold weather that we had for weeks. You can read it on everybodies face when the temperatures are rising and we do not need to wear hats and gloves aymore. Ok it is not warm enough to take off the warm winterjacket. When the sun is coming out you see the first ones working in their garden and washing their windows.


Spring is in the air
This week it became finally warmer weather. Finally we could enjoy the rays of the Sun Just look around you, the coming days. Everywhere the hormones start to work again. It is also called Spring Fever. Nature is getting busy. The crows build their nests in the tallest trees. You see the sheep having already the first lambs. The crocuses find their way to the light and the duck is sitting already on her eggs. The planning in the economy is also already made again. The leaflets with the bargains are coming in the mail again. And what will you do the next few days?


Some are going to the campsite to their mobile home to get things back in order. The boat is out of the garage and the motorbike is being polished up again. What comes back is an energy release in humans. And it will become be even warmer, as expected from the weatherforecast. Do you notice it yourself, even it is only a little bit?

In this period of year I drift of in my memories: Years back when I still lived with my parents. It seems so long ago, but it is not that long ago. What did my mother do and what we do not nowadays. And if you think about it is already very long ago, or I am getting quickly older.



What a difference
There was also much more reason that the spring cleaning had to be done. There was a coal stove or coal fire. And that gave a lot of dust. Every morning the ashdrawer had to be emptied. In wintertime you threw the ashes on your doorstep. And of course the covers of the beds. A quilt was not yet born. And the mattress with the springs. The spiral springs were of iron. Everything was brougth outside to let it the air and the dust was beaten out. Even the carpet beater was used for all rugs. The blankets and matresses were beaten by two people. We also did the books from the bookshelf. And all of us needed to help with it. We walked with a stack of books, outside and beat it. For my mother it was nice to have a big family as these extra hands could help.


Other times
Fortunately we live in a different time. The vacuum cleaner became a lot better and I slightly lower the teperature of te central heating. Hot water I get from the tap for things to clean. And in the meantime the washingmachine cleaned my laundry and I only have to put it into the dryer. And if have washed the windows, the next load of washing can go on the dryingline. So in this present time we have some more time to enjoy the sun and all the other beautiful things that nature brings. The thought alone, and springitches are born.


The summer should not start too quickly, otherwise we could not enjoy the pretty part of nature.

The Old Sailor,

June 11, 2009

Am I losing it?

Dear Bloggers,

The question is: am I losing it?

As all these doctors keep on telling me that I am overweight, something that they have been telling me for years now and nobody is taking action.
So I went to a dieticien to find out what I should do differently eatingwise.
When it is sunny I don't have many problems although people selling ice cream are very nice people, and with two young kids it is hard to get past them.




I am doing my best but sometimes I have to give in, most of the time I am strong enough to say no.
On rainy days I am facing the hard times, but when I feel for a snack I go for fruit now.
But of course all the bad things are still there as my kids still get candy, crisps, cookies and so on.(they don't have to suffer.)


People around me are telling me that I am getting a bit slimmer and I promissed the dietician to leave the weighingscale for what it is.
Checking all the time does not make you happier she said but can actually make you very frustrated.
Listen to your heart and the people around you that should be enough.
So from that point of view I have to think that losing 40 kilos is not going to be that easy.















Today is one of those days, feeling down, feeling blue, nothing clicks for me. It’s raining, it’s pouring, my life seems so boring.
Nothing is really wrong, just this overwhelming feeling of nothingness and unacceptable hunger attacks.
Let’s see if I can find 10 things in my life that are not nothing but everything.















1. I have a roof over my head, our house is dry inside, warm inside and houses me and my family really well.
2. My daughter is walking around sniffing her nose, last signs of the cold she had this weekend. She smiles at me and gives a kiss.
3. The laptop is working very well, it gives all support in writing the blog and never complains of me hitting his keys.
4. People look at my blogs, read articles and leave comments. Blogging is connecting most of all, leaving comments is connecting.
5. Finding my voice in writing is becoming easier. Every time I type the word ‘think” I begin feeling again. This way my posts are from the heart rather than the head. My head can be emptied by listening to the heart.
6. I had a good sleep last night and already had two delicious cappucino’s! Mind you, some days coffee makes my day.
7. Vision, I can still see with both my eyes even though the vision in my life is not always that clear. [Can you see how I am going to be negative again, what a habit.]
8. In Midspringtime my garden is already flowering. Midspring is cold, rainy and not the time for the flowers to come out. Midsummer is still a long way to go at least that is what it looks like at the moment.
9. I just found this quote: ‘If I know what love is, it is because of you.’ by Hermann Hesse.
10. I get inspiration by reading about how to connect with other people through the net and end up on total different pages again.




There was a really good chance of rain today but it didn't rain.
It amazes me how rainy days affect my mood.
I was all prepared for the onslaught of a torrential rain and it didn't happen.
The Weather Man says its coming tonight and tomorrow, and I will try again to prepare myself for the sleepy, drowsy, weepy mood rain puts me in.
I don't know why rain affects me that way but it does, another thing I need to learn to deal with.
I may never learn to love the rain, as many times rain means pain but I will learn to live with it.
And I will learn to dance in the rain eventhough I am not that rhytmic.
I have so many bad eating habits that affect me like the rain,when I allow these habits to creep into my life they overwhelm me.

Sometimes I am afraid of losing the battle but I keep fighting myself like Don Quichotte fought the windmills.
I am going to strive to overcome these habits.

This quote sits on my computer where I can see it every day, how often I forget these words.
" Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass....It's about learning to dance in the rain"















Let us wait for the sun to come out even it is only for five minutes, enjoy living in a different way as the good old days are lying behind us.
I walk towards the sunset and know that I will never make it to the end of the horizon.

The Old Sailor,

Talking and Writing

Dear Bloggers,   Why is it that some folks (such as myself and my daughter) talk so much? This visit, I am learning how I process throug...